Ouch...

I don't normally like to write about my feelings in my blog, it's not for that. I remember how I feel at certain points in my life and don't need to write it here to remember it. Today, however, is a little different.

You see today I had an opportunity to - as I was promised - to be a part of an exclusive party at my in-laws cottage which would have in attendance several senior employees of a company that I would not be adverse to working at. It has been my intention, now 2 courses and three months from completing my MBA, to seek employment that I would find challenging and which would provide me an opportunity to advance my career. While not the most ideal fit for me, this company is in the top 3.

So over the past few weeks, I was advised to get my resume (or CV) together and find some positions in this company and that the people at this party would be able to get me a job in their firm... I could be one of them. So I worked really hard on my resume, found a few really awesome jobs that I would really enjoy, dressed up nice and came prepared to shmooze my way to a long awaited career change.

What happened today was very disappointing for me - and really it was my fault for expecting, believing, that something was going to happen. No expectations, no disappointments. I had expectations and boy was I disappointed.

Turns out my father-in-law had invited 2 guys he met at Starbucks, one of which was selling flowers 2 months ago, and he helped them develop a product which they came to pitch to this company today at the cottage. My FIL was very proud of these boys and they were thrilled to have this opportunity. IT was all very surreal to me because I've been in the family for 8 years now and my FIL and I have had an OK relationship, but never a great one. He treats us great, but individually I never got the feel that he really respected me. We have only ever hung out once, and I don't feel like he really ever took me seriously, and why should he? I married his daughter, gave them 2 beautiful grandchildren and don't cause any problems in the family. I don't get it.

I mean that. I don't get it. So on a day when I expect to be discussing opportunities, these two boys present this idea to the company and I don't even exist. For the few minutes that one of these VP's asked me a question about what I am doing now, he gave me exactly 10 seconds of his time before he turned away from me and started a different conversation. This day was NOT for me. I gave my resume to one of his colleagues and she left in on the cabinet by the door and when he left, not even a good-bye.

I guess, as UrbanMummy speculated, the people from this company were there to have a good time and maybe a small pitch on the side would have been okay, but after this big sell for the two boys, trying to force me in there too was too much for the VP to take, so he let it be... and so shall I.

Today was a waste of a day for me, emotionally, I put a lot of hope into this day and it turned out to be a big zero! The rest of the day was fun - good food, my kids had fun, UM made an awesome show of herself asking great questions and with he knowledge of relevant information (asking GREAT questions). But for me. Pfffffft.

Back to the drawing board.

I'll have to remind myself every morning. No expectations... No disappointments.